God's Calling

My stubborness never seems to fail me. Even when I'm on the phone crying my eyes out to my cousins, "I can't do this anymore"...blah, blah; in my heart I know I'm not willing to give up on my marriage! It's just not in my nature. All through childhood me and my mom would fight constantly! It wasn't until this year that she was willing to admit things she had done wrong and understand my point of view as a child. I am now 28 and chaos started happening before I was in 2nd grade. I remember calling her bluff when I was in kindergarten! But I knew she wasn't happy. And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus had her name written on the palm of His hand with His hand wrapped inside God's hand, never to be plucked!! So I never gave up on her actively following Jesus! I won't give up on my sister actively following Him either. Nor will I give up on my husband. I love him more than anyone else on this planet. So though I grow weary, I will not quit!

I believe that my stubborness is most certainly a strength. Although it has had to be refined. I know this strength matches my husband's. And thank God for that because boy!...is he ever stubborn.

Through this I have learned to not be so hurt when he keeps his distance from me. Why? Well, I know that he does so when he is resisting God. So I (right now I am reminding myself) rejoice knowing that God is pursuing him. Calling him to higher ground. And the fun part is ...... satan is loosing! I know that he can't resist God forever. Are you kidding?! Ha! We don't have that kind of strength. So it's funny to me how satan tries to rub it in my face. "See how he's acting?! I got him where I want him. And I see you crenging with fear." And I, for so long have allowed that ploy to work on me. I would freak out.

I am choosing to draw my strength and wisdom from the Lord that He is giving me presently. I will no longer allow myself to be restricted to what I have already gained from wisdom. Instead, allow God to build on to it. Adding more wisdom and understanding to what is happening currently is how He is molding me, strengthening me, encouraging me. teaching me to persevere with confidence! Confindence in Him! My Maker. My Father. My Father who knows what is best for me and proves it to me time and time again.